Jeff, Florida

We sit in Jeff’s upstairs catch-all room. Part playroom, part poker room, part gym. This room combined with Jeff’s garage contains all there is in the known universe. I stopped buying things in the early 2010s when I met Jeff, because whatever I need I can just borrow from him, he has it 100% of the time, and I’ve return almost all of it.

Jeff and I coached together for years while our boys were playing little league tackle football. My nickname for him is Professor Jeff, because by the time the season started Jeff had done enough off-season studying, and laid down enough words in our text thread, to qualify for a PhD.

That being said, he’s on my Mount Rushmore of men I respect. I’m not sure I’ve ever met a more genuine, generous human being in my lifetime. The care that he’s extended to my kids over the years, a door that is always open, and a table that is always set for guests.

Jeff grew up in rural Louisiana and speaks primarily in catchphrases from his childhood though, so unfortunately I’ve only really been able to comprehend about half of what he’s ever said to me.

This interview has been edited down from its original transcript…

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Micah

What makes a good Dad?

Jeff

Oh, that's a hard question…

[overly long Jeff pause]

…just paying attention to your kids. I think it's probably one of the biggest ones. Setting boundaries for them so that they know you're still the authority figure. I see a lot of guys out there that try to be buddy-buddy with their kids, and then they lose the dad-level thing. You know? I don't know if that makes sense.

Micah

It does. The way I’d say that is that a kid is going to have a lot of friends throughout their life, but they're only going to have one dad. If you're trying to be the kid's friend you diminish yourself for that very important role in their life that nobody else can fill.

Jeff

Exactly.

I mean, my dad... like, one of the things I remember earlier on growing up with my dad… he worked his ass off in the restaurant and bar, but he always made time for us. In the back of the restaurant, there was a room where the babysitter would bring us so that whenever the restaurant would slow down, he could come back there and hang out, play, whatever.

Micah

Did he make that room specifically for that?

Jeff

Well… it used to be where my dad's brother would run all the poker games, and he would book out of the back room.

Micah

So you grew up in an illegal hidden gambling room kind of? That's a perfect origin story for you.

Jeff

I mean, my dad wasn't… but his brother.

Micah

Yeah, yeah, I get it... still spectacular.

Jeff

But the point is, a good dad is someone who pays attention to kids. Spends quality time when he can find it, teaches them to be a good person.

My dad would get a break from work after breakfast, come home and take a nap until the afternoon rush would come into the bar room, then he'd be back up there. Even with all that he would always show up to my practice. I'd see him out of the corner of my eye, even if he was there for a half hour. He'd leave the bar and come watch practice for a little bit. Never missed a game, even being in the restaurant business with football games on Friday nights.

Micah

When you're with your kids, what is your north star? What are you trying to instill in your children in all the interactions you have with them?

Jeff

[with the the fastest response time I’ve ever received from Jeff]

Be accountable.

Set goals. The only way you're going to achieve anything is if you set a goal to do it.

And then, just... you're going to have all kinds of challenges in life, whether it's in school or football or whatnot. Figure out what you want and then figure out how to go get it. “If this is what you want, okay, what do you got to do to get there?”

If you're not sure, then try everything. Find your passion, and those passions are going to change at different ages. But, whatever it is you want, there's always someone that wants it more that's for sure. You have to have the mentality, “if I'm not out working I'm being outworked.” You might not be the best, but don't ever let anybody outwork you.

Be accountable for yourself, that and having respect for others. I always wanted my kids to be the ones that stuck up for those other kids, and to have the confidence to not be scared to stick up for somebody else. “You might be better off than other people, but you're never better than somebody.”

Micah

I like that Jeffism.

Jeff

It's a good one.

Micah

If I were to have asked your father that question, what he was trying to instill in you, how do you think he would have answered?

Jeff

It was a lot of his work ethic. Whenever he first opened the nightclub, they'd be open until five, six o'clock in the morning. At that time he still had his liquor route, he was a liquor salesman. My mom would pick him up at the bar, and she would drive him on his route, and he would sleep between stops.

He did what he had to do. He had, you know, he had kids. He did whatever he had to do put food on the table.

Micah

What are some of the more impactful moments that you can remember with your dad growing up? What are some things that really stuck with you?

Jeff

Well, I just remember like, so at one point we had a grocery store. It was a convenience store, but it was in the black part of town. Back then this side of town was black, that side of town was white, but we grew up on the black side of town because that's where the store was.

I remember during summers we'd wake up at 5AM and be at the store by 530 to open because you had the work crews that were going out, and we used to sell bread by the slice, and he would sell a single egg because they would have limited funds. They would run tabs, and at the end of the week they would all come cash their paychecks at the store, so they would pay off the tab when they cashed their check. I got to see how he treated everyone, with respect, back when that wasn’t normal.

There were some funny stories though.

I mean, so we had this lady that would come in and she would always steal something, every time she came in. But my dad was funny about it. One time she stole an egg and put it in her pocket. My dad walks up to her behind her and is like, “How you doing?” and smacked her pocket.

There was this one time, another old lady, broke into the store. Shattered the front glass. She was breaking in places and then she would just go in the store and take a shit on the floor. So the alarm goes off and my dad beats the cops to the store.

Behind the register, because we sold liquor… by the way my dad was the number one distributor of Thunderbird wine in the Southeast United States… so he had all the liquor behind the counter, and they had these wood pallets behind there with the carpet on top of it, and he gets into the store, and this lady's got her pants around her ankles behind the counter, and he walks up to her and he puts 38 to her head.

Right about that time, the chief of police walked in. He's like, “[Dad], don't shoot her.” Dad goes, “she shits in my store, I'm gonna shoot her.” Chief, “[Dad], don't shoot her.” Dad, “if shes shittin, I'm shootin'.”

Micah

That feels like it should have been the new slogan for the store banner.

Jeff

I also remember my dad being in church a lot, like three or four days a week. I don't know if you know Lake Pontchartrain, Louisiana. We lived on the north shore, New Orleans is on the south shore.

One day him and his buddies were coming back from the city and a storm blew up and put a hole in the boat. They were short a life jacket, so my dad ripped the hatch cover off the boat and was floating around on a hatch cover in the storm for 17 hours.

He says he just prayed, “if I get out of this, then I owe you.” That's why he was in church three days a week.

At his funeral, the people that showed up, it was, I mean they wound up having to shut the church doors. There were still people coming in, you know, to pay their respects at church.

He was a councilman, he did a lot of good for the community. If I can be as good of a dad as my dad was, or half the dad that he was, then I'll be successful.

Micah

What are some of your most proud moments as a father?

Jeff

Hmm. That's a, that's a good one…

Seeing my kids being able to walk up to somebody and look them in the eye, shake their hand, tell them hello. My name is [daughter]. My name is [son]. Being old souls, able to have a conversation with an adult. Sticking up for others.

[Daughter], she's been on some really good volleyball teams. Every year for the last five years, at the end of the year, she's won the “Sportsman Award.” She was the positive one. She was the motivator, you know.

Micah

If I were to talk to your kids when they’re in their 30s, what would you hope they say about you as a father?

Jeff

That I steered them in the right direction. I mean, everybody wants to be the fun dad, but that they knew they could always come talk to me, and that I was fair.

Micah

You walk on an elevator, there's a gentleman there, young guy, find out he's going to be a dad for the first time. You're going seven floors with the dude, you get to impart one bit of wisdom in that time, what do you tell that guy?

Jeff

Enjoy every moment because you blink and they're 18, and they're gone. That's the truth. Just enjoy the shit out of it. Spend the time, make memories. Kids don't remember stuff, they remember experiences.