Mike, Florida
I’m sitting on the outside porch at Mulligan’s, a local dive sports bar. Mulligan’s has simply always been, and there’s a good chance that at 12 years old I sat in the exact same spot I’m sitting in right now, eating a nearly identical cheeseburger.
Across from me is Mike, president, or commissioner, or grand poohbah, or something of the local youth tackle football league we both coach in. He runs it, and every year he asks me to help him run it, and every year I laugh at him.
By the nature of the age brackets we both respectively coach, I always catch the tail end of his games on any given Saturday. As a result, almost all of my time spent around Mike sees him at his highest high or lowest low. I’m only vaguely aware that he can chill, but on this night he’s pretty chill.
Mike is a staple around the community, and as such we end up in an hour long conversation with the owner of Mulligan’s before we get a chance to start the interview. With cheeseburgers finished, and 2 beers down, we finally kick off our conversation.
This interview has been edited down from its original transcript…
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Micah
What makes a good Dad? You’re a coach, you’ve met a lot of dads, what are some characteristics that keep coming up in the great dads you know?
Mike
What makes a good dad? Being present, being a failure at times, because then your kids can see you get up. That’s important to me, modeling that behavior.
I honestly feel like I fail in some way every single day with my kids, and I'm the first one to admit it. Just last night I had a conversation with [son] about how I am as a parent, how I feel like I get on him a lot, maybe too much. He looked at me and said, “you're supposed to, you're my dad.” That crushed me a little bit, but I feel like that’s healthy because it’s real. I know I'm not failing as a dad, but I feel like I fail in certain situations, you know.
Being present is important. Being that role model, because I want my kids to grow up to be better than me.
It's them seeing me open the door for someone. I take out the trash because it's full. I do yard work because it has to get done and I don't complain. I go about my work. I think being a husband is a full-time job. Being a parent is a full-time job. I have a full-time job that pays me. Then I have football, that's almost a full-time job.
It's a lot, but I don’t think of it as sacrificing anything by being a father, being a husband and working. You're supposed to. I want my kids to know that their dad never quit at anything. It’s not a sacrifice, because when you're a dad you don't care about watches and clothes and hats and shoes, that’s all just stuff. As long as I take care of my family, that's important to me.
…I'm still thinking, what is a good dad? It’s like good art, you just know it when you see it but it’s hard to describe why exactly it’s good.
Micah
30,000 feet looking down, what direction are you constantly trying to nudge your kids in?
Mike
Learn right from wrong. Learn that it’s often harder to do the right thing, it's easier to do the wrong thing. No matter how hard it is, do the right thing, tell the truth.
Don't take the easy way out, because that's not what life is. Take the road less traveled.
Micah
Do you mind if I talk about your dad? How would he answer that last question? What was he trying to instill in you growing up?
Mike
My dad and I didn't get along great. I don't really know how to answer that question.
He was a competent private investigator. He went about business. But if he did you a favor, you owed him. I didn’t like that. If you need me for something, I don't need anything in return. Maybe that’s not completely true, I want respect, I want friendship, but I'm not going to demand it.
My first job was at New Cheese Pizzeria. I was a busboy, and my dad came in there during a weeknight, and he embarrassed the ever-living piss out of me. Dragged me out of there. Yelled at the owner for having me come in on a weekday instead of a weekend. I had no homework, and I just remember my mom begged him, “don't go up there.” My dad didn't care about disrupting peoples’ lives around him a lot of times. I'm very aware of my surroundings and how I interact with people as a result.
So... I'm sure my dad wanted me to be a good young man, you know, good in society, but I didn't learn that from him. I learned it from my brothers, who were my half-brothers. They were more father figures than my dad was. And my grandfather.
My dad passed when I was 30. I saw him take his last breath, and I had a sigh of relief. That was 15 years ago, and I hated feeling that way. I don’t want that with my kids, and it scared me to be a dad because of how I was brought up. But I'm not like him.
Micah
What are some of your most proud moments as a father?
Mike
I didn't get to play football growing up. That's not true, I played half a season in fourth grade but my grades weren't great so my parents pulled me. So in 10U when [son] recovered a fumble on defense, I lost my mind. It was the joy of witnessing my son doing something that I could not do. Then he just kept getting better from there. I witnessed [son] throw a touchdown pass. That'll blow your mind. Then he threw 32 touchdowns and one interception this season in flag football. I never got to do any of that.
Then there’s [daughter]. She's as girly as they come, and she knows if she wants something, she's going to get it, because she's determined to get it, and you can't coach that. As a father, I'm proud of that, because the standard is going to be set for her later in life. I go on father-daughter dates with her to raise that bar on purpose. If she wants steak, we'll get steak. Whenever she does date someone, she's going to know what kind of man she deserves to be with.
Recently [daughter] won the cheer national championship. Her personality came out. I never thought I'd see that because she was quiet, now she won't stop talking. I’m immensely proud watching her grow into a little lady.
When I got diagnosed with cancer, [wife] was pregnant with [daughter], and I went for the beginning stages of when they found out I had a tumor in my bladder. [Wife] is across from me, she could see the monitor first, and I didn't see it, but I saw the look on her face, and that's all I needed to know. The doctor asked, “do you have any questions?” I only asked one question, “am I going to be okay enough to walk my daughter down the aisle?” He said yes, and I said “let’s fucking go.”
I couldn't have picked two better kids, you know, we all love our kids, and there is no one better than [son] and [daughter]. I'm proud that, as much as I screw up, they don't look at me as that, there's unconditional love.
I think as a father, my number one thing is my kids. I love my wife, but my kids are my driving force. You know, to say what is my proudest moment, there's so many, man, but just seeing how they're growing into amazing people.
Micah
What are some of your greatest stressors, what are the things that scare you as a father?
Mike
Not being able to provide for my family. If I lost a job, if I fail on multiple occasions, how I fail, why I fail. God's always been good, I'm not afraid.
I don't think they've seen me cry, I don't want to show that. I do tell them it's okay to cry, it's okay when you're upset, those are real feelings. I will I work two jobs, three jobs to provide for my family because I know what it's like to have nothing. I grew up off of Wymore in a small apartment with six people. I just don't want them to ever go through what I went through and they won't.
Micah
If I'm talking to your kids in their 30s, what do you hope they say about you?
Mike
Daddy was always there in the good times and bad times. He was always there and he guided us. He taught us to never quit, keep going. That there's nothing you can't get through with God.
I always believed in God but I never had a relationship with him. That didn't happen until I met [wife] when i was 30. I didn't go to church on a regular basis, I might talk to God but I didn't know how to talk. Then we finally found a church a little over a year ago, which was probably the perfect time because of all the crap I was going through.
I hope when they're 30 they will say they know God, and that I had some part in that.
I know they're going to say that they're loved, and that I'm always there, that I will drop anything for them, whatever it takes.
